Do People Change
He also has another guest post here.
When I first read this blog post I thought it was good, but needed polish.
1. That's a wild double standard because I often have meandering thoughts, and don't really go through many drafts or any editing process really
2. I wrote a blog about Sam before and in hindsight embarassingly said: "Independent of the specifics I can learn to take more chances, be less worried about perfection and think that in a lot of cases something is better than nothing." I guess sometimes it's easier to say something that truly internalize it.
3. More of the same above, but when we worked on Youtube I said:
I don't know if Sam was more carefree, thought more highly of his ideas, was less rigid about having more free form and varied content or what it was. In any case had we taken his approaches we would've benefited in a lot of ways. For one quantity leads to quality, the more you do something the better you are going to get at it. In my case I was inflciting us to paralysis by analysis. In some ways I was also worried that we would squander good ideas if we werent' ready.
Anyway enjoy this wisdom straight from the source! I'm lucky to have Sam as a brother, and to have him be so willing a contributor. By the way if any of my readers want a guest post the blogging platform I use let's me add use as an author, and I welcome you to do that!
My therapist told me once that people don’t change. She also insisted on having a shorter cadence between our meetings. Instead of twice a month she said once a week was better. I wasn’t in a position to argue because she was the professional that saw my life in a presumably unbiased lens. However, this was around the start of the pandemic where I can tell she was really trying to maintain her customers. So I had to discern if my therapist was manipulating me or if I in fact needed her help. And on top of that her sage advice was that people don’t change so what is the point of me going to therapy then? If I felt like I was in a good place and I wasn’t going to change what could she possibly do?
Therapy aside, did I change? If you look at yourself in the mirror everyday it will be harder to notice a difference but if someone sees you once every ten years it will be more obvious. I have been blessed to look into my brother’s life everyday. And there is one change that I always think about.
Sometimes after watching a netflix or HBO Max show I am too lazy to find the remote and stop the stream. Or I have fallen asleep and woken up to the post credit director interview. In breaking bad they mentioned how much the city of Albuquerque plays an important role in the story. For example If breaking bad took place in Florida how would it play out? My sixth grade science teacher’s husband was actually arrested for selling some drugs to a cartel and it was big news. The articles did mention a relation to breaking bad. But what was that story? When I finished my bachelor’s degree I made my way out of Orlando and moved to South Florida joining my brother. Not long after my brother moved to San Francisco and three years later I was able to join him. After that he moved to New York. When I was on the east coast I would be able to call my brother at midnight and it was only 9pm his time. Some of those calls he would tell me he had to go because he was off to bed. Now the time zones have swapped and we are still having the same call and sometimes I go to bed before him. Jose went from going to bed at 10pm to going to bed at 2am.
Does this mean Jose and I have not changed? Our call Is happening at the same time, just different. What does our sleeping pattern say about us? In Jose’s case he went from never having plans at night to always having plans at night. Did he change? Or is it something to do with a stage/phase in his life? I know in a 10 year window Jose is different in a lot of ways. One personal anecdote was I told him to visit me in college and we can get drunk together at a party and he refused. Now I refuse to drink and he drinks occasionally. I once told him he should try smoking weed since it was legal and it was an experience that was hard to recreate any other way. He refused but I think he ate an edible once. Is he more open minded? Or does eating one edible line up one time with the person he was before? Is the reason for his nightlife is because of his environment? Is He the same person as always but he just so happens to not be in grad school and work fulltime and be in a city that is more conducive to nighttime activities. If you could take Jose now and go back in time to Jose in college would he want to take tap dance classes. Did he always want to take tap dance classes but not live in a city that offered them? Could affording tap dance classes change your want to take the class. I should ask jose what do you do now that is free and online that you haven’t done before but it existed before? Blogging is actually the most obvious answer. Tweeting too. Why does he tweet. Is it a tech thing? Is it a new york thing? I would like to say I know my brother more than anyone else but I have heard married people say “you can never really know someone”. Does that depend on the barriers that people put up. Are they not showing you who they are immediately or are they changing? And what does changing mean? If Jose stays up late because there is something to do at night and he has the time does that mean he has changed? Or has his environment changed and he would have always done that. When my partner leaves town my sleep schedule goes from adult responsibility to night leper in 1 day. I always sleep on the couch and try to stay up until 4am. Does that mean I am a different person in 1 day or I am the same person with a different set of environments.
So has Jose changed by age, or has his environment and opportunities changed? Do people change with fame or are they always that person but with a different environment. Your environment is so important. Who you surround yourself with, the job you do, the city you live in, the hobbies you partake in. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rat_Park
Rat’s in a cage don’t do drugs if they are given enough to do.
That brings me to my last thought. In my early twenties I realized that if I had been playing guitar by now I would be good. And I used that ideology to focus my twenties on being consistent with my hobbies. My music production being the longest running hobby but now rock climbing dominates my time. My partner had a cousin visit us last weekend and we went out for drinks. We were actually testing out bars for our wedding after party or welcome party. Exciting! That night our friend met us out and I could tell she put a lot of effort into her appearance. After a few bars I got tired and could not really be bothered to stay out but she rallied until 2 am. I have always looked down on people that go out to drink every weekend while I am going to bed sober so I can be able to rock climb or do something productive on my weekends. I have always held my own wisdom as gospel. Working on a skill overtime is important if you want to be good at it. But then that night I was so impressed with my friend. She was able to buy drinks, maintain friends willing to meet up, stay out late and keep the social media world updated. This was her hobby that I have looked down on. Why should I feel superior to someone that is just trying to have fun. I rock climb for fun and some people watch tv. Why is it bad to be a couch potato? Its not like i am helping the community by grabbing small rock holds and trying to climb up a wall. In the climbing community the equivalent name for a couch potato is dirtbag. That sounds a lot worse than a couch potato. Watching marvelous mrs maisel is less effort but is it less worthy. In Rat park these rats only did drugs because they were bored. If all the people suffering from homelessness had the opportunity to rock climb would they still do drugs? Do they do drugs because they are homeless? I heard they use meth to stay awake for safety concerns. If they are happy doing drugs does that make them less of a human? Some unhoused people resort to stealing and crime to raise money for their drug addiction. If they had a higher paying job would they just be bar patrons? Is it just a product of their environment? Or on the other end of the spectrum; really famous people tend to have problems with addiction. Would this problem exist if they weren’t in the spotlight? Perhaps Jose going out at night and staying up late in new york says that unhoused people are not flawed. They just need a better environment. The rate of serial killers and crime lowered extensively after lead was removed from gasoline. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lead%E2%80%93crime_hypothesis